If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
There is blood on my sheets, we apparently used 8 towels, everything in my shower is knocked down. Wut?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
Randomize
