The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
last night was fun... but i spent all morning tring to get the candle wax out of my chest hair. We did use candles last night?
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
