I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
New realization: eye makeup remover takes sharpie off boobs
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
