I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I wanted to make my beer stronger so I poured vodka in it. Why god....why
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
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