guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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