Having a random hookup so left but love u
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Used a cardboard box as a pillow and a towel as a blanket. Its like the great depression over here
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Yeah, oh and the story gets better. His friend was dressed as a christmas tree wrapped in twinkle lights and had to plug himself in the wall all night.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
