i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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