Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I really wanna punch him. Right in his cell-phone-sized penis
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Was looking through my phone and saw that drunk me took a tit pic in the Denny's bathroom..
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
Randomize
