dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You were saying you didn't want to go home and insisted that I drop you guys off at your uncles. That's how you ended up sleeping on a porch with two dudes
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Randomize
