He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
Ross. Joey. Chandler. Who would you do?
I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Sad Megan is Sad
Have you been drinking my beer?
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Randomize
