Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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