when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
we should start a freak-out-the-cashier-contest. I just bought JerseyShore Season2, red high heels, and nipple soothing pads
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
