I'm not a mortal combat character
but my vagina is
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
So I "accidentally" brought my road beers into church for this wedding
And they fell out of my pocket on the pew. Made quite a noise...safe to say I'm batting a thousand
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
