i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Current status: Finding an unwrapped portion of Subway sandwich in my purse at the pharmacy counter & picking pieces of tomato off my wallet while the pharmacist watches disdainfully.
Did you offer her some?
If only. Current status: Not that clever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
Randomize