oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
you were sleeping on the floor, then you woke up and told me you were not comfy enough. You took the carpet in the bathroom put it in the bath and you slept there.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
Screw this I'm going to go talk to her. If you hear sirens they're for me.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Randomize
