Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
