Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
