My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
lesson learned.. dressing up like a naughty teacher doesn't mean you can get away with spanking a cop with a ruler for being "fresh" with you
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
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