I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
The dog just shocked himself by peeing on Christmas lights, should I have saw that coming?
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
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