I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
Sorry, not ignoring you.. We broke open the other piñata left from cinco de mayo and it was filled with condoms, mini booze bottles, and those little party horn things you blow into. You'll forgive me when we're fucking for days with all these free condoms.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
