oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Randomize
