He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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