it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
