apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
like why cant he just admit that he still wants to fuck me even though im underage
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
Randomize
