Sorry, I don't speak sober.
I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
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