If i come over, it means nothing
accomplished twins. life is a go
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
