If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
in the middle of fucking he asked me if i had gotten a haircut because he noticed i didnt have split ends anymore. i dont know what to think
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
Why the fuck is there raw bacon in my bra. I don't even have a stove.
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
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