You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
So much rum. So many feels.
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
