Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Let's create a 16 and pregnant drinking game
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
Of course he did. He is like the oprah winfrey for vaginas. Always giving that shit away.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Why the hell did you invite him? He's gonna bring two more inches of dick and zero fun.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Drinking vodka and pirating music in the library. Welcome to finals week.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize