We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
his eyes are fucked up, he bumped into the cabinet while standing in my office, and he's pounding chicken soup, and he must have chewed on 8 pieces of gum before he got here.
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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