Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Randomize
