i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
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