No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I have drunkenly angered a family of raccoons. Please send help immediately.
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
breakfast this morning: omelette, Valium and baileys hot chocolate
Now that sounds like the breakfast of champions
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