Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
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Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
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If you think hives from an allergic reaction to lube is funny, remind me to tell you the story about how I got a black eye from masturbating.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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