you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
