I'm so fucking centered right now
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
what kind of morning-after breakfast implies 'thanks for the sex, but i'm not gonna call you ever again'?
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
