Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
