32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
She told me that when she orgasms she just lays there like that baby from teenmom. Who the fuck says that
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
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