so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
I need a leash, or some shame. Maybe.
So we played the stone cold theme song and continued to chug 2 beers at once and everyone just looked in shock
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Randomize
