I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
So am I a slut for not remembering his name after sex last night or not recognizing him in the cafe today after he told me who he was?
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Just participated in the saddest thing: Cheetos. Handjob. I have lost at life
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
