Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
Also I ordered a dildo and I'm not sure if I want it still, so there might be a free dildo in your future
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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