Last night must have been awesome, my dog still smells like vomit.
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
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