Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
When you see a guy in a wheelchair try to be cool and pop a wheelie, and then fall over backward and hit his head, is it funny or sad?
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
