surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
it's gotten to the point where I just look in my closet, think, "which article of clothing behaves most like a towel?" and then just go with that
We just banged and he's microwaving shrimp noodles and I'm eating tostitos alone in the dark this is why our relationship works
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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