Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
Hey, you can't rush the perfect creeper shot. I need buffer time to hone my skills.
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
Randomize
