I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
