Is it normal to miss your booty call?
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
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