I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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