So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
Fireball goes down like mother's milk. Btw your housemate is naked
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
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