May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
There is a car windscreen wiper in my handbag... Not my car's, not ok.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
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