pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
im about as happy as oj after his trial
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
