true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Randomize
