Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
