SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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