a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
I smelled my fingers after she left and they smelt like sugar cookies. I want that one again.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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