Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She asked the bartender for "7 shots of something fruity" and long story short the bartender punched me in the face. Chivalry is stupid.
I just need to find a good handlebar mustache to sit on until I'm over that beard
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
Randomize
