just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
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