To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
omg i can't drink anymore.. i just pulled up my dress and started playing with my vagina
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
It's an open bar on a yacht... I'm going to drown.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
you were on all fours in the front yard puking, but managed to hand the pizza delivery guy a beer and to have a nice day.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
