you went around and groping mens pants to see "which was worthy" of you to go home with.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
Rage-masturbating and then crying myself to sleep. Welcome to Wednesday.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
