She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I don't deserve a penis
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
