Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
why is there a wheelchair in the hall and why does it look like we banged in it?
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
Randomize
