She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
i told him i was on my period. he said, and i quote "can we not just lay down some newspapers or something?"
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
Dude, there are some things that you can't un-see. Her, beached on a dog bed, is one of them.
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
Why is the turtle in the toilet again?
Well as I was puking in the tub I put him in there to keep me company but I am almost positive the original setup was him in the tub and me next to the toilet...I hope he likes tequila
Randomize
