Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
My friend's 9-year-old son just informed me that for a cop station, you can't use a shotgun; you have to use a machine gun. Thank you, Grand Theft Auto, for single-handedly corrupting our youth.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I flashed my boobs, shit my pants, and kissed the wrong twin. I'm on a roll you don't want in on.
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