TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
He left an unopened 12 pack of beer by my bed. I guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex..
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Between this new vagisil cleaner and these cranberry vitamins, my vagina feels like a new women.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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