i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
