mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.
I hope you did not try this.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
went to their party, left halfway through to fuck a pledge, came back to keep drinking. I think everyone won.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
Randomize
