I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
Randomize
