Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
