It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
You disappeared for an hour and showed back up with handfuls of bratwursts and yelled at my girlfriend that if she didn't eat them, that the nazis win
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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