did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I bought everclear. Bring your party pants and some addies
You're not gonna punch me in the face again are you?
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
How drunk were you? in an effort to seduce him, you demonstrated your lap dance skillz on his dog.
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