No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
I just singed the hair in my nose trying to re-light a joint. now all i can smell is burnt hair. day ruiner
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
It was after I slept with him he tells me he's a juggalo
Well it was nice knowing him
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