Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
Randomize
