hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
maybe next time you'll take an ex boyfriend warning you that she's batshit crazy as a warning instead of a challenge
My lips are red and swollen. Solid proof that giving head is a viable alternative to lipstick and plumper.
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Sustenance and doggy style.. the only two things I need
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
