Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just made my bed perfectly before realizing that I'll be too drunk to appreciate it tonight
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
Randomize
