I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
