I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
all i remember is him tryin to explain to the girls how to effectively hit the strip club with their bfs
hes actually pretty persuasive when he drinks
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
If waking up at 6 50 pm every day and getting invited to go have sex as you wake up is what alcoholism is like I can get use to this.
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
