I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
Seriously. Destroy her vagina. Do it like an angry baboon mating with a gentle manatee.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
I refuse to go to a doctor for a sex injury, not when I've come so far already
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
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