Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
Randomize
