Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
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