A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
His facebook interests include 'unstrapping velcro'.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Drake has all the answers
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
